yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
