I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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