please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Michael Bay diarrhea
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
