I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
