just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
