he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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