Only a mothe r could love this liver
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
