And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
