i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Pooping to opera.
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