this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize