When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
