tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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