She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
