My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
