Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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