Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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