Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
