ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
