I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
