Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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