i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
