I'm drive I can fine osifer
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just gift wrapped bread.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
