if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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