i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
