I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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