I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
