Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
