There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize