remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
