I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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