I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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