Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Barsexuality is the new black.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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