Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
