there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
