I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
