I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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