There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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