This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
