Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
