Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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