my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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