I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize