maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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