if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize