Already got asked if we're dating
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
