"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The police scanner is talking about you again....
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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