woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
