i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
