he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
