here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
