as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
