lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
