Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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