I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
When did angry sex become our thing?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
