Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
