I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize