After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
