Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
