I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
